she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
He had one of those small greek statue penises
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Be still, my beating vagina.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
