If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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