You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
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