guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
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