Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
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