i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
