Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Randomize
