I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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