suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
