what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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