my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
