he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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