Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
