you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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