Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
