i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
