Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
