There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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