You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
