I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize
