how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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