Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
