I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Enjoy the penises
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
