I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
