just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
