well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
