help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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