i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
