He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
i believe in u and ur pee
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
