i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
