I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
