I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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