my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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