If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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