I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
