So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
