Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
