I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
