you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize
