According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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