I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
