You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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