I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
