my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Randomize
