I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Randomize
