afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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