I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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