hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
