Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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