Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
