You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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