This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
