you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
