U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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