we have officially lost it.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
