dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Someone signed my nipple.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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