I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
