I got chris browned last night
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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