Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I am spending my child support on dildos
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
