I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
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