I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
