he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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