Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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