saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
