I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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