He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
