Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm too high and old for this...
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
