I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
