It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize