Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
